Lord, You matter the most to me

Oh man I heard Kenny G on the TV with his saxaphone. One word - mesmorised.

By the music lah, not the person. If my fiance proposes to me with saxaphone playing I'll def marry him. HAHA yes quote me/print screen/save as evidence I don't think this statement can go very wrong :D

I've not been up to much! Photos update another time, Very lazy nowadays.

I went on a retreat over the long weekend to Singapore Vision Farm located at Sungei Tengah. Sounds ulu right? IT IS ULU. See nothing but trees and flowers and crops within a 2km radius. A pity we don't really have animal farms now otherwise it'd be interesting to bunk in with boars and chickens :D It's a very peaceful place located at the top of a small hill. There's basically nothing to do there except looking at some chye sim and a guppy pond with no guppies. But the company was great and the air was really good. And, the sky looks so much nicer and wider there :)

We were told to pack light so I didn't bring my camera :'( Regretted it a little cos some of the others brought theirs!

8 of us were assigned to a room so we had 4 double deckers. The room itself wasn't very big so it was a rather cosy setting. Fortunately, the girls rooms came with attached bathrooms and every room was air-conditioned!! :) So the living conditions were really above my expectations already. The retreat wasn't anything hardcore too, we had ample time to rest and relax, food and snacks were fully provided and of course the rowdy guys made a whole lot of noise at 2am in the morning with their horrid and hysterical laughters. Imagine being bombarded with noise right before you fall asleep and be awokened by the SAME KIND of noise the next morning.

Quotes one of the observant guys who went round inspecting our rooms: you see that's the difference between guys and girls. The first thing girls do when they enter the room is to put their pillows nicely into their pillow cases and spread their bedsheets, the guys are just madly jumping on their beds. That was SO TRUE.

The sessions in the retreat were good too. I learnt alot about myself, and the re-learning of the fact that God is spirit (John 4:24), a spirit is never confined to physical space and time. Pastor Reuben and Pastor Jon were there at the night session too and they prayed for the full-timers, cluster leaders and all the others. Every single person was prayed for and prophetic words were spoken into the person's life. It's a little too personal to share mine to the virtual world, but I'm very thankful for affirmation and encouragement. Like Pastor Jon doesn't know me at a personal level, yet He knew what to pray for and said accurate things to even others as well. Now that's what we call the Spirit of God working. It's supernatural, it's comforting and most importantly it is not judgmental.

At a personal level, I had a slight discomfort and struggle inside before I was being prayed for. Because it has always been the other way round, I pray for others and speak the things the Lord wants me to say in their lives. When there was a reversal of roles it felt as though I was a lamb waiting to be slaughtered, I was powerless, defenceless. I told the Lord, in spite of what I felt, I truly wanted to lay all at His feet and be ready to listen to whatever He had to say. And God is good, He told me "dear, don't be afraid. I will never harm you in any way". I realised that my human nature of wanting to be in control and self-protect had overlooked the point that God's nature and intentions are not bad. There really wasn't a need to protect myself from anything, because harm was not in the picture.

So I accepted all that was prayed for and spoken in a humble and reverent manner, and indeed, the Lord's words for me through prophetic Pastor Jon was not condemning in any way at all. Not even for the rest of all the others who were there. I truly understood, that the Lord never harms.

I heard many moving life stories being shared, the opportunity to talk to many fellow leaders, and experienced the Lord's goodness. So I'm very happy :)

Have I mentioned to anyone about the struggle I had before the retreat? I was torn between having cell and staying for the retreat throughout. I thought having cell was the correct way of showing love to my cell members who need the food and I prayed this to the Lord. Then I thought hard again. Did I in any way think of using cell as a convenient excuse to escape from the leader's retreat? I searched myself, and in all honesty I found the answer to be true. Also, since I badly need a greater sense of direction and spiritual support to lead a cell too, the only way to get connected is through fellowship with my own leaders and fellow peers. I need and I should attend the retreat, be it out of accountability or personal benefit. Of course, ultimately, I choose to do it out of submission and surrender to my Father.

This week, I finally had the chance to play the keyboard while Nigel is worship leading. He must be the most comfortable band member and friend to work with in worship and music ministry. Maybe it's because we've been long time friends so we know very well what we can deliver for each other. After years of being in the same ministry, chemistry must also have been built up in a way or another. So, double joy. A wish fulfilled before I step down in the coming month.

You can say that it has been a "churchy" weekend. I used to bother about people would see me if I appeared "holy" to them. But after a while, I no longer take it to heart even if they misunderstand or misjudge me. I've been thinking about this for the longest time - the world is really just ike a transition phase. Where is the final destination? I may tell you it's Heaven but you may tell me you don't believe in such things, but let's face it, there must be somewhere we end up in after physical death. You and I didn't pop out from a rock, some higher being must have created us and made us look like what we call humans and not fishes or birds. If what I do on earth would matter for eternity, then I would rather I do the things that count toward His glory and honour, so that when I returned to the Lord in the near future, I would tell Him in love that "Lord, You matter the most to me".

And all is done in love, never coercion.